“When one person is missing the whole world seems empty” – Pat Schweibert
I walked home around 6:00 PM holding my new briefcase in my hands and Lynda was coming out our front door to take off. As soon as she saw me coming, she said nice briefcase. I said it’s a gift but I may have to give it back when I resign. She ignored my comment and said to me there are leftovers in the fridge, if you didn’t eat anything. I said thanks and entered in the house. The kids were watching their favourite program on TV. I got changed and went into the kitchen to check it out. I warmed something up and ate.
Adam came in the kitchen and asked if we can go to the flea market on Sunday for breakfast as we hadn’t been there for a while. I asked Adam to check with his sister if she would like to do the same. Maxine shouted, yes. It’s a deal, I said. I asked Adam if he had any homework to do tonight. He said, no. I told him to go ahead and watch their program and I would park myself here in the kitchen reviewing some reports.
Around 8:00 PM just before they went to bed, I walked in the living room to say goodnight to them.
As soon as they were in their bedrooms, I went to my bedroom, grabbed my pillow and a blanket and landed on my favourite couch. I was tired and miserable but my brain was working overtime. The reality was that I didn’t want to go back to Chicago. There was a logical if not a sentimental reason for leaving Chicago in such hurry in 1972. It was very hard for me to leave Chicago where I had worked so hard to have a half decent life and reputation but circumstances were beyond my control. I decided to leave everything behind for my first wife and arrived in Canada with only one suitcase. In the end, I began to realize that I might be a successful business person but when it comes to relationships, I am a loser. I am incapable of sustaining relationships and will continue to run from one affiliation to another. The sad thing was that this time my son was involved.
I was faced with the truth that I needed to make much more money than what I was making in my current position even with the recent promotion. The other bitter reality was that the chances of getting a better paying job in Canada weren’t that great, more especially in Fredericton. I thought I needed to make more money not only to fulfill my current obligations but also to be prepared for the potential alimony payments in the future as I believed that she would divorce me. I wanted my son to have everything while he was growing up. If I stayed here I might end up living in somebody’s basement again and waiting every week just to see my son for only a few hours. I knew what it was like growing up without a father. I also knew the common consequences of growing up without a father. Adam was going to end up:
- Aggressive;
- Depressed;
- Having low self-esteem;
- Doing poorly in Schools;
- Using drugs; and
- Be incarcerated and die by suicide.
While I was thinking about my own son, I was also aware of the fact that the same things could very well apply to Maxine. I was totally confused, didn’t know what to do, where to go, and who to talk to.
The other challenge that I was confronted with was, what I was going to tell Gord when I resigned. How was I to pay him back for all the favours he had done for me throughout my career, helping me to improve my quality of life by allowing me to exercise my own brain power.
I don’t remember exactly when I fell asleep. What woke me up was the noise of the closing of the front door. I got up and almost ran to check it out. Lynda had just arrived and when I looked up the clock, it was 10:55 PM. I said what was the matter? Why are you this late? Is everything alright?
She said everything was alright. We just got carried away with our chatting. She put her bag down, took her dress shoes off and asked if I fancied tea. I said sure. She put the kettle on and said come and sit here in the kitchen. I need to talk to you. She said how come you didn’t tell me that you got the promotion. I said how did you find out. She said Anita told me. Anita who? I asked. She said Anita Smith. She said she works for you. I said that Anita. I said I didn’t know that she is your sorority sister. She said I met her on my first day of sorority and we just clicked. She told me a long time ago she was working for a creep. She appeared to be so happy that she’s working for you now. I said she doesn’t know me. Does she?
Lynda poured tea and mixed milk and sugar for me. She pushed the cup towards me. I tested the tea. It was good. I hadn’t had her tea for days. I was a little bit surprised that she was even talking to me tonight. I said what’s up with you? You seem to be an entirely different person than this afternoon. She said I don’t know how to tell you that I was totally wrong about you. Anita told me that Jean is her best friend. Anita knew how Jean ended up in our kitchen. Anita said Jean’s a happily married woman and Anita never remembered ever seeing you and Jean together as you both work in different offices. Guess what else Anita told me. She said most of those nights when I thought you were in the pub, she said you were working late to meet the project deadline you were faced with.
That’s very nice that now you know that most of the nights when I was late, I was working. However, it doesn’t prove that any other night when I came home from the pub I wasn’t drunk. Unfortunately, that’s what you claimed. She said I was wrong about that, too. It’s also true that most of the nights when you came home, I was sleeping.
How about calling Jean my girl friend. What gave you the right not only to misrepresent the fact but also to be obnoxious to me. She said I am very sorry about that, too. Unfortunately, I put more faith in the source of my information than I should have.
I said, I am not trying to be difficult but you have no idea how badly you hurt my feelings by questioning my integrity. You know your daughter who’s unfortunately undoubtedly mendacious, dishonest, and unreliable, which was proven again and again when she was in the foster-home system. Yet you went out of your way to hurt me by going to Social Services here in this town where I work for the government. I was warned by Social Services in Toronto, when I was fighting against the legal system to bring Maxine home, that I would never be able to manage her. Basically, they told me that she was bad news. Nevertheless, I went against everything and brought her back in our home under my direct legal custody only to lose my self respect, my livelihood, and most importantly my son.
Ultimately, you claimed that I never stopped criticizing Maxine even though she’s already 15 years old. You know what? She has never done anything to deserve my respect to allow her privileges. I will tell you another thing. She likes boys and there’s nothing wrong with that. But what’s wrong is that she has you wrapped around her fingers. She’s spending so much time not on doing homework but fooling around with boys on the week days as well as weekends. Here’s my prediction. One day she will come home pregnant and she will drop of school without even completing high school. Thanks God I am not going to be around to watch that. I hope you are going to be able to look after your unwanted grandkid, good luck with that.
I finished my tea, got up and said it was very nice of Anita to help you clarify the situation. I need to go to bed as I have an early breakfast meeting in the morning. Lynda said you are not going to make me beg, are you? I said no, I am not going to make you do anything. You are “Free, white, and 21”. You needed to make up your own mind which you did and now you need to stick to it. I am not terribly excited with the idea of going back to Chicago but I don’t have too many choices. Do I? I may be stupid but I cannot continue to live in a relationship where I get threatened every five minutes to be kicked out from my own house for doing nothing. What’s more terrifying to me is that there’s another life involved in this mess and that’s my son’s. I know you were looking after your daughter’s interest and I don’t blame you for that. Maybe you should consider letting me have my son and you go back to living with your ex-husband and both daughters as a big and happy family.
Lynda said “Over my dead body, Buster”.
I said it was only a suggestion and good night. I got up and went back to my couch.
On Wednesday before I left for the office, Lynda asked me if she could have the car tomorrow. I said no problem. She said are you going to work late today? I said I don’t think so. She said how about just you and me go out for supper to Jim’s Place and park ourselves in one of the quiet corners and talk. I said I would love to but I don’t see there’s anything left to be discussed. She said let me be the judge of that. I said if you insist, I can be home around 5:30PM. She said I already arranged the babysitter to be here around 6:00PM. I said it really hurts my feelings when you take me for granted. Please tell me how did you know that I am not working late tonight? She said yeah, yeah. I hear you and we can talk about that too tonight.
In the afternoon, I was about to grab a cup of coffee when Gord showed up. His office wasn’t relocated in the new building yet but he used to pop in now and then to chat. I offered him a cup of coffee and we both went into my office. I gave him a quick rundown about my areas of responsibilities. He said just some feedback; I heard positive comments from your staff on the subject of changes that you started implementing. I said it’s always nice to get some positive feedback. He finished his coffee and stood up and asked how Lynda and the kids are? I said they are just fine. He said maybe we should meet for Sunday breakfast in the flea market. I said it sounds great as Adam had already mentioned that to me before.
When I got home, Lynda was almost ready. I got washed and changed very quickly and we left for Jim’s Place. She said if you must know, I spoke to Anita yesterday and she told me that you may not be working late on Wednesday. So you got your sorority sister to keep an eye on me and report back to you. She said it doesn’t hurt.
Once Jim got us settled in a peaceful corner of the restaurant and food was served, I said I am having second thoughts about going to Chicago. Mainly because I don’t want my friends in Chicago to know what kind of catastrophe I am who runs from one relationship to another. Plus my ex is still living in Chicago and she will undoubtedly enjoy the news. Instead I am thinking of going back to Qatar. As I understand my friend Abood is doing very well in Qatar. Probably this could be a better opportunity for me not only to find a nice job in my field but also to make more money there. I asked what do you think.
She said you’re going nowhere, my friend. You are staying with me right here in this town as I need your help. But staying in this town’s no option for me as I don’t think I can make enough money to support you and the kids and find somewhere for me to live. Who said you will be living somewhere else. I admit that I messed up dreadfully and reacted badly but now I am prepared to listen to you.
I said I don’t know what to say. I don’t necessarily have any logical solution to the challenge we are faced with. She’s your daughter and it’s only natural to care for her. She said I know she’s my daughter. If I continued to care for her in the manner she likes me to, it wouldn’t take too long for me to be on a welfare system with two kids. I said are you saying that you don’t believe that I will support you financially. She said I am not worried about that. What I am saying is that I need more than financial support to bring two fatherless kids up. She said I finally realized that Maxine will never forgive me for leaving her father. What she doesn’t know is that her father was having an affair with a friend of mine before I checked him out and now he’s living with her. More importantly, I don’t want Adam to suffer for my sins.
I said please don’t kick yourself for nothing. Adam is a strong kid because he’s an amalgamation of you and me. All we can do at this stage of the game is our best to come up with a reasonable approach to what we are faced with. What is important is that we don’t make the same mistake again.
She said does it mean that you are not going anywhere, that you are staying right here with me in this town, helping me to deal with Maxine. I may regret saying this but the answer’s yes I am going to stick around to deal with this challenge as long as you listen to me before snubbing my opinion or suggestions. The next question is – where can we go from here?
Lynda said perhaps the very first thing we need to address is how to handle Social Services. We have the meeting scheduled with Frank who called me this morning just to remind me that we are meeting on Monday at 1:30PM.
I said unfortunately you need to take the lead on this as you’re his client and I believe that he’s a good guy and trying to help us.
She said what do you suggest? I said perhaps you should call him tomorrow morning and tell him that we are trying to reconcile our differences and we both appreciate his efforts. Probably you should give him credit for suggesting to take some time off otherwise we would have been in a real mess by this time. You don’t necessarily have to tell Frank that you made a mistake about the girlfriend and all other things that you had against me but tell him that if he would prefer us to be in his office to further discuss the situation, we will be there.
We just finished eating and she said let me ask for some more coffee as we have a lot more to discuss.
At that minute Jim appeared just to ask us if everything was fine here. I said thanks Jim. Yes, everything is just fine. We really enjoyed our meal and are looking forward to more coffee. He said how come you don’t come to see us anymore since you got promoted and got a huge office in the new building? I said you know me Jim. I just get carried away with so many things needing to be done. I promise you that I will come and see you next week and we will have coffee together. He said it sounds good, Mir.
Lynda said what we are going to do about Maxine. This is only my opinion, I said. Don’t reprimand her for doing what she did simply because:
- She will cry;
- She will tell you exactly what you need to hear and she wouldn’t mean it at all; and
- She will make promises to do exactly what you would like her to do and she will forget it as soon as you finish talking to her.
This is not just a stepfather talking. Please listen to me. I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I have been watching Maxine since she was six years old. I believe that she was born with the gift of manipulation. She knows:
- How to make you feel guilty;
- How to complain about anything and get some audience;
- How to deny anything she’s charged with;
- How to feign ignorance or innocence; and
- How to blame people for things they have never done.
Perhaps more importantly, she knows how to play mind games by planning deliberate actions or responses for their psychological effects on others.
‘No, I am not overstating her aptitudes. I know how she manipulated me when she wanted to come back from the foster home where she was living. She convinced me that she was very sorry for all the troubles. She persuaded me to believe that she had learned her lesson and she would be immensely grateful to go back to living with the family. It took only a couple of weeks for her to start playing mind games again.
Lynda said I remember that distinctly.
I said I feel sorry for her in a way. She could have been excellent in any field including the motion pictures but she chose to be a callous person.
MY conclusion is that she is a pathological liar. Maybe she can’t help it as it’s a chronic condition that causes the person to lie even when there’s no real need to do so. The lies are often outrageous and impossible to believe but the liar still insists they are true. Compulsive liars lie to create a false sense of self-image or build their ego. Pathological lying is pervasive. She petrified me initially when I thought her potential influence on Adam but thanks God that Adam turned out to be a strong boy and he wasn’t going to be influenced by her.
Lynda said now the question is what’s next.
I said don’t tell her anything, just pretend as if nothing happened. I guarantee you, she will find any excuse to drop out from school and take off as soon as she turns 16 in a few months.
It was almost 10:00PM when we got home. I cleaned my teeth, got changed into pajamas and grabbed my blanket and a pillow with the intention to park myself on my favourite couch. Lynda came in and shouted you don’t want me to beg you to come back to our bed, do you? I said no, you don’t have to beg for anything but if you want me, just call my name and I will be there. She said now you want to be Michael Jackson, do you? I said we are what we pretend to be and jumped into bed.
